Turtle Porn!

The St. Louis Zoo is one of the finest zoos in the world. I take tremendous pride in being among the many parents whose children are second or third generation visitors to a local icon.

Of course, the zoo has changed over time - as it should. The presentation of the animals is more like their natural habitats and the zoo keepers are available to talk to visitors about the animals.

Since school is out for both me and my children, we decided to take a family day at the zoo. We parked about a 1/2 mile away (really!) to avoid the $10 parking fee at the lot across the entrance. Once we got in, we chose our direction and began our educational tour of the world-famous St. Louis Zoo. Did I mention this would be educational?

Not far from the entrance and across from the sea lion display (everyone's favorite) was the pen for the tortoises. I'm not sure what kind of tortoises they were because we walked upon a male tortoise trying to mate with a female. The other tortoises were discretely turned in other directions while the human horde was watching what should have been a private moment. My kids blurted out, "Oh no, turtle porn!" and "Mom, I didn't know turtles made noise." The male tortoise was moaning and groaning quite loudly. My kids took pictures of the spectacle and I hope I don't get a call from Division of Family Services for their photographic efforts. This tortoise could be heard from several hundred yards away. My son told me he is scarred for life now. He may well be, because any time I say "turtle porn" to him, he starts laughing and blushing.

We wandered around at other exhibits - the prairie dogs and their babies could keep us entertained all day, two newly dropped camel calves were lounging beside their mothers, the Asian elephants would not let anyone see the new baby elephant, and the young giraffe thought all the humans were the most ridiculous things he had ever seen.

The Jungle of the Apes was being renovated and all the apes were placed in outside exhibits. We arrived in time for the silver-backed gorilla to receive his lunch. He sat on the hillside and carefully ate his meal of honey rice and apricots and once he finished, he glared at the assembled human audience, turned his back on us and stalked off to another part of the exhibit.

We finally worked our way over to the Fragile Forest exhibit which had the chimpanzees and orangutans. Love must have been in the air because we witnessed a male chimp trying to convince a female chimp that he was in the mood. My son, once again, is scarred for life.

After a few more exhibits where we didn't see any more amorous animal adventures, we headed back towards the entrance where we began our day. Along the way, a peacock was chasing after a pea hen and they both were looking for a little privacy.

The zoo is definitely a family place - procreationally speaking.