A Lesson Still Being Learned

I made a mistake today. Kind of a big one. And it's not the first time I've made this mistake. And I'm not the only person who has made this mistake before. Sadly, we are all guilty of this mistake. What's so aggravating is that I keep making this mistake. We all do.

The mistake is thinking that my problems are unique to me. Only me. No one else has my problems. I'm the exception. You can't possibly know what my problems are like.

While it's true that we can never know fully what another person is going through in life. "Walk a mile in my shoes," is often the mantra. None of us can know fully what another person's problems are. However, many problems are shared by many. Difficulty in paying bills, job troubles, marriage or relationship troubles, loneliness, health issues. The list goes on.

Previously, I discussed the issue of age discrimination. My question has been and is, "When did we become invisible? When did we become irrelevant?" I let my frustration upset me to the point of tears. For two days. My husband and son were ready to race me to the hospital for depression. Today, I woke up a bit better, but the situation hasn't changed.

At work today, I mentioned age discrimination with a co-worker, an African-American woman close to my age and, certainly, much wiser than me. She simply looked at me and told me that black men face discrimination and much worse on a daily basis. Being a white woman, she gently reminded me, I don't understand that the black community has been dealing with discrimination far longer. As she was speaking to me, I found myself resenting her statement. But this is age discrimination, not racial discrimination, I thought to myself. Why wouldn't she just let me vent? I can't pay my bills. Retirement dreams have long vanished. I'm not talking about skin color. I'm talking about feeling invisible.

Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Discrimination, on any basis, is discrimination. Feelings of hopelessness, being useless, tired of pounding your head against a wall - all of that plays into any kind of discrimination. "You can't be here because you're different." It doesn't matter if the difference is age, gender, skin color, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, or disability.

In an era of greater access to information, why is discrimination still so prevalent? Why is "different" still perceived as a threat?

Clearly, I have a lot to learn. But, then, don't we all.

This Election

I won't lie.

I'm completely and totally numb.

Graveyards must be rumbling with deceased presidents spinning in their graves. John Adams must be screaming now. Thank God my parents aren't alive to see this.

I've always considered myself smack in the center of political philosophies. I'm conservative on some issues and liberal on others.

Now what do we do? Our 45th President is an orange-faced orangutan. I hate to believe that my neighbors voted based on fear. Both parties were guilty of playing the End-of-the-World card, but why did we fall for it?

Well, the damage has been done. Stock markets are crashing. My pitiful retirement fund that Macy's started to build for me is gone. Again. The Republican Party has retained control of the Senate and the House and will continue to play games with our lives. Welcome to the new world order, folks.

However, does this have to be our future? I've written here before about working together to solve our own problems. Sadly, some of my audience took that to be a "woe is me" session rather than an opportunity to put ideas together and think of solutions.

WE are the people. Trump and Pence do not represent me. Nor do they want to represent me.

Please, God, Bless our country.

We Just Watched History Last Night

Ordinarily, I only watch the World Series if my beloved Cardinals are playing. So, yes, I was disappointed that the Cardinals didn't make it to the series. At the same time, though, I thought I was hearing things when I found out the Cubs made it to the series. Wait a minute, are you kidding me? The Cubs? Come on. And even if they got that far, they will flounder. They usually do. Nah.

Life around here kept me too busy to really keep up with the series until last night. Then, I remembered that it was the last game. We turned on the game long about the end of the 6th inning. Cubs leading 6 to 3. You're kidding me! We were glued to the TV at this point. Big Jack was rooting for the Indians while my son and I were rooting for the Cubs. A divided house, but that's nothing new.



As I watched, it looked like the Cubs were starting to falter a bit. Of course, they were a case of nerves. Haven't been this far in over 100 years. Can they do it? Eighth inning - Indians batted home three runs and tied the game. Can you say apoplexy? Ninth inning - game still tied and then a rain delay. It felt as if God was torturing all of us. Tenth inning and Cubs score a run. Oh. My. Word. If they can just hold off the Indians. Three outs later and the Cubs are, we can say it now, World Series Champions.

A streak of lightning flashed outside my window right as the third out happened.

Jack flew out of his chair, I started screaming, and Big Jack pulled his Mizzou ball cap over his head and pretended to weep.

What a game.

Let's see just how different the world is from the last Cubs championship. We had just begun the 20th Century. The automobile, bicycles, electricity, indoor plumbing, and telephones were new and gaining popularity. Women would finally get to vote; civil rights would begin the process of leveling the social field for all, Two world wars and The Great Depression weren't even a thought. Vaccines would come to save millions of lives. Radio and television would become the new medium of communication and entertainment.

In the last 108 years, man has walked on the moon, explored deep space, and discovered things that were only thought about in science fiction stories. We have computers in our offices, homes, and even in our watches and cell phones. We voted in our first black President, and next week will determine if we have our first woman President.

My dear Cubbies, you have earned this championship and deserve all the glow that goes with it. The Cleveland Indians put up a good fight, but it just wasn't their time. That's okay. There's always next year.

Congratulations to all of you. Enjoy the cheers from Cardinals fans, because next spring, we'll deny all of it.

Dear America

Tonight I watched the second debate between two people who want to be our next President. I will make no secret that I will not vote for the Republican candidate under any circumstances; however, I'm not crazy about the Democratic candidate, either.

The debate gave me a blinding headache that only a strong pain killer can take away. That said, I want to express my thoughts before I succumb to the wonderful world of sleep.

This election year has been one of the most divisive I have ever experienced in my memory. I probably could dredge up presidential runs in our pre-television history and find some that could have been worse. Andrew Jackson comes to mind - his run for office was more than his wife could handle and she died from the stress. Jackson never got over it. Of course, Jackson was also a horse's ass, but I digress.

Our country is angry. We have a Congress that is holding our country hostage while they play games with our laws. Open debate on issues can't happen with the mind-set of certain party members "My way or you're wrong."

Our country is starved for work. Jobs are scarce and the ones that are available are only available to a select few. Discrimination is a real thing, by the way. Wages are stagnant and the work world has been turned upside down. Jobs once slated for high school and college students are now held by single parents and/or older workers who can't find work elsewhere. The young college graduates are getting jobs that require the experience and wisdom of older workers, but they are willing to work for less and companies are snapping them up.

Our country is frightened. Which mall will host the next blood bath? Which public venue will literally go out with a bang? Guns in the classroom? Are you serious? Sick people dressed as clowns terrorizing children and communities. What is going on here?

Our country is stressed to the breaking point. We can't meet our bills. The Affordable Care Act is skyrocketing out of control and coverage is dimming. Yes, prices at the gas pump are going down, but utilities are going up. The housing marketing is making a rebound, but many communities are still feeling the pain of the housing market crash.

Tonight the world watched St. Louis host the Presidential debate. And, for a change, we showed the world what we are really made of. A peaceful demonstration paraded through Delmar all the way to Washington University. Many issues were represented, but no violence. No one got hurt. But voices were loud and clear.

We need to come together like this again. We need to express our concerns. I believe each of us has the power to turn this country around. We have the ability to fix these problems and we have the ability to put the right people in government who will hear our voices, and help us fix these problems.

America, I'm scared for our future. But, I'm also hopeful that we can fix what is broken. I believe it all begins in the voting booth.

Thank you.

Age Discrimination is Real

A week ago last Sunday, The New York Times published an opinion piece written by Ashton Applewhite about ageism in the work place. The article hit a valid point; one I've been talking about for quite a few years.

As some of you may know, the last decent paying, full time job I had was 14 years ago as a technical writer for Enterprise Rent-a-Car. I was laid off due to department reorganization - the whole department was eliminated and quite a few of us were let go. I had an opportunity to accept a position in another department, but my immediate manager snatched the job out from under me. Surprisingly, I wasn't angry about it. Enterprise never was a good fit for me anyway, so I waved goodbye and wished karma on my manager. I was foolishly confident that I would land another job quickly.

Since then, I've worked retail, went back to school to earn my bachelor's degree, and took care of my family. I applied for work in my field during this time and turned up dry. I suspected ageism while in college when the "kids" didn't want me on their advertising team. I tried to speak to my professors (most of whom were my age) and they carefully avoided the topic. When I applied for an internship with Maryland Heights Government Center, I was asked, "What are you doing back in school?" As if I wasn't allowed to go back and refresh my skills? Obviously, I didn't get that internship.

Working at Macy's, I meet all sorts of people; among which are older workers. Conversations I've had with fellow employees and customers further confirms the age discrimination practice. Recently, I met a couple who were forced out of their jobs and take early retirement because they were "too old." What was their occupation? Accountants.

Age discrimination is not only illegal, it's just plain wrong. The younger workers need and will benefit from the wisdom and experience of the older workers. Just because I won't get my nose pierced, dye my hair green, or get all tatted up isn't a measure of my skills as a writer. I can easily dance circles around any of those young kids, yet I am ignored because I was born during the Kennedy Administration.

I believe, in this era of economic uncertainty, my fellow older, displaced workers need to open up their own businesses. Yes, start a business and hire only older workers. No one under 30 need apply. The businesses may very well succeed. We have the know-how. We have the experience. We are savvy enough to make it work. Trouble of it all is . . . we would be practicing the very thing that put us out on the unemployment line. And it would be illegal.

Happy Birthday America!

God Bless America, 

Please, dearest God, bless our country and our people

Land that I love. 

We have this wonderful, beautiful place.

Stand beside her, and guide her 

We can't do this alone.

Thru the night with a light from above. 

Your light shines in the darkness

From the mountains, to the prairies, 

We are many people, but one land

To the oceans, white with foam 

We come together

God bless America, My home sweet home.

Because this is our home and we are family.


My dearest friends . . .  let's stop with the vitriol, the hatred, the malice, and all the things that divide us. We are all Americans. Let's work together to solve so many of the problems we all face. 

We can do this. 

Tearing each other apart is destroying this wonderful country we are calling home. 

Our problems are not so insurmountable that we can't come together and work out a solution. 

Our country was built on great ideas. Our first great idea was independence. And we took it from there.

We can do this.

Happy birthday, America! Here's to another 240 years!


"God Bless America" by Irving Berlin

I'm Still Here

I think I've been quiet long enough now. I needed some time to absorb recent events and sort out the range of emotions that came with those events. So, here goes . . .

Orlando Night Club Massacre

This despicable, heinous act from a lone shooter is beyond words or comprehension. How many more mass shootings do we have to have before someone says enough is enough? How many innocent people need to die because someone legally obtained a military grade weapon and chose to use them for target practice? What is wrong with our world?

Second Amendment Rights

Please don't hand me that worn out argument that the government is taking away your guns. No private citizen needs a military grade weapon of any sort. Period. Deer hunters use rifles or cross bows. Pistols can be used for self-defense.

Let me explain my position on this issue. While I find guns frightening, I know people who own them and those individuals are trust-worthy, law-abiding, responsible gun owners. I have no problem with that. I own a block of kitchen knives and I'm a trust-worthy, law-abiding, responsible knife owner. Possession of these items doesn't automatically make me, or my gun-owning neighbors, a killer.

Some people claim that owning an assault rifle will protect them from attack. From whom? If our country is invaded, our military is trained to handle it and they have far more fire power than you ever thought about. I also like to think that our military has a better grasp on who the enemy is than you do. Are you worried about hordes of zombies? Um, hate to tell you, but I really don't believe in zombies. They are fun for Halloween stories and that's about all. So, what is the purpose of owning something that can kill large groups of people in a matter of seconds?

Extremism/Radicalization

The man who murdered those innocent people had become radicalized through ISIL and apparently acted on his own. These homegrown terrorists are frightening, no doubt. Let me ask this question - what is the difference between radicalization and extremism? It seems to me that both pretty much walk hand in hand or are at least close siblings.

Merriam-Webster defines radicalization as:

To cause (someone or something) to become more radical especially in politics

Extremism is defined as:

Belief in and support for ideas that are very far from what most people consider correct or reasonable


So, here we are. We face an enemy who kills those who don't believe as he does. We have opponents to gun control who feel they must have military grade weapons to fight off bad guys who don't believe the way we do. Hmmm.


The harsh reality for me is this - a terrorist is more likely to strike where he can get the most kills quickly and easily. Your lone military grade weapon won't mean squat against those odds. In fact, you may end up adding to the kills trying to get the bad guy. Do you really want to face that kind of responsibility?

Historic Filibuster

Recently, Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy, a Democrat, held a 14  hour and 50 minute filibuster which ended when GOP leaders finally agreed to allow a vote on two gun control measures. This young senator used one of the many heart-wrenching stories from the Sandy Hook massacre. I'm relieved that there seems to be some recognition of necessary action. However, I'm still disturbed that the GOP would prefer to be friends with the NRA, a powerful lobbying interest, than save the lives of hundreds of innocent American lives. I'm still in shock that nothing happened after Sandy Hook. Nothing happened after any of the other mass shootings. I don't understand this at all.

Call to Action

The senseless slaughter needs to stop. Schools, colleges, places of worship, entertainment venues, places of employ should all be safe havens from violence. Please contact your senators and members of Congress and beg them to vote on keeping military grade weapons off our streets.

Memorial Day 2016

This year, Memorial Day is a bit different for me. As is so often the case, I am usually working the sales at Macy's. However, I was lucky enough not to be assigned any shifts this weekend. Okay, I took a short shift for Monday for the extra pay. That said, I'm off today, Sunday, which is rare.

Last night I declared to my family that I wanted to spend today doing something fun. All suggestions got a thumbs down and I gave up. So this morning, I woke up and decided to visit my parents' grave at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery. I generally avoid the cemetery on Memorial Day for obvious reasons. I usually feel guilty as heck because I really should pay my respects to my father who served in the Army during World War II. Every year, I think about going and just don't. This year, I decided I would visit.

The traffic on Telegraph Road was horrible, of course. I felt bad for the local residents who are just trying to get their weekend errands completed. I guess they just get used to it after a time. Big Jack came with me on this visit and I'm glad he did. I always get confused about the location of my parents' grave and, as usual, became hysterical when I couldn't find their section. He calmly took over and requested help. The grounds keepers nearby were kind enough to help me find my parents and even gave us a flag to place on their grave.

The Boy Scouts were everywhere, but waiting for some signal from a grown up to start placing the flags. They seemed bored and wondered what the hold up was all about. I was kind of wondering myself.

A visit to my parents' grave is always emotional. As I stood there, crying a bit, I told my parents about what was going on in my life. I told them I knew they were watching over me and I knew they would be proud of me.

Memorial Day is a time to remember those who have fallen defending our country and our freedoms. While most people see it as a three-day weekend with barbecues and opening of swimming pools, we should all take a moment to remember the true meaning of the holiday.

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

A recent article from the New York Times showed up in my Facebook feed. Actually, this article showed up a couple of days ago in another news publication, but I failed to catch it.

Let me ask my readers this question: Why on Earth does a high school need a major stadium and events center? Um, hello, this is a HIGH SCHOOL, not a college.

I realize that Texans love their football. I also realize that Texans love bull riding, barbecue, and big cars. Texas is a world all to their own. I get it. However. Yes, there's a however. Our country is still creeping along with an economic recovery that's not been particularly evident. The unemployment rate has gone down, but that number is rather deceiving. Why, oh, why does a high school need a $63 MILLION stadium? I fail to see the logic in this.

Here in Missouri, particularly St. Louis, our local school districts can't support this sort of expenditure. Even the wealthiest school districts (Parkway and Rockwood, for example). When my kids attended Ritenour, only family and close friends attended the high school football games and there was still plenty of room in the stands for more people. The visitor stands had even fewer people occupying them. Ritenour's football team has improved over the years - they even made it to the regional playoffs (a feat that had never happened before). But twelve thousand seats? Seriously? High school regular football season is shorter than college and pro football season. High school playoffs tend to wrap up before the holidays.

I could almost see the logic of such an expenditure if it served all the school districts in the surrounding area, not just one high school. Same with the events center. Of course, this raises the security issue which exists between rival high schools. I'm sure, here in St. Louis, Ritenour and Pattonville would not be keen on sharing space, nor would Kirkwood and Webster Groves. Maybe rivalries in Texas are more intense. I wouldn't know.

All I do understand, is that in a world where jobs are scarce, money is tight, and our educational system is at odds with the rest of the world, we really don't need mega high school football stadiums.

Tragedy, Family, and Community

Yesterday should have been an ordinary day for a small family in St. Ann, Missouri. Yesterday should have been just another day for most people in North St. Louis County. Yesterday should have been an uneventful day for the St. Ann Police Department. And, yesterday shouldn't have happened for one heroin addict behind the wheel of a car.

I'm talking about the tragic, horrible accident that happened at the intersection of Ashby and St. Charles Rock Road in St. Ann, Missouri. A busy intersection in the heart of strip malls, fast food restaurants, and chain retailers.

The reports are sketchy, but basically what happened was this: a man and his wife and two-year-old child in a stroller were crossing the intersection intending to go to the barber shop next to the local pizza parlor. Cross traffic was stopped on a red light. However, one driver came through the intersection and slammed into the family, throwing the child 8 to 10 feet away. As of this writing, the baby and mother are in critical condition; the father with broken bones. The driver was high on heroin and passed out at the wheel; his foot slipped from the brake and on to the gas pedal, causing the car to move forward.

My daughter told me about this accident last night when she picked me up from work. My heart came out of my chest.

This morning, the Facebook page Rock Road Reporter was flooded with local reaction to this tragedy. The community is pulling together to find ways to help this family. The outpouring of support and sympathy is incredible. While many of us in North St. Louis County cannot contribute financially, so many are offering time and talent. This is what community is about - helping one another. Not tearing one another down. Not building walls (are you listening, Donald?).

This story brings many emotions. Sympathy, empathy, and mostly, outrage.

Heroin is a destructive drug - as are many drugs. It has become an epidemic in our country. I watched my childhood friend lose two siblings to this horrible monster. Once it captures its victim, there is no letting go. The escape is almost exclusively death.

How did we get here? With all the information that is out there, why is this a problem? DARE programs exist in most schools in St. Louis County and St. Louis City. I can't speak for the rest of the country, but how is the message of stay away from drugs being missed?

How?

Why?

Now a drug addict is facing a whole lot of problems stemming directly from his abuse. Even if this person has a conscience, and it's not my place to judge, he should feel sick to his stomach for what he did. I guess heroin removes all that from the user. I wouldn't know.

Twenty-four hours ago, a young family woke up to a cool, spring day with ordinary plans. Ordinary plans for an ordinary day.

Please pray for all who are touched by this terrible tragedy. If any of my local readers are able to help, please do. We are a community.

Presidential Election and Our Future

Wow. Election season is always fraught with hostility, but this one just takes the cake. A business mogul/reality TV star thinks he has the stuff to be the leader of the free world. He's demonstrating his incredible people=pleasing skills by insulting everyone and everything in his path, encouraging violence at his political rallies, and resurrecting frightening memories of past fascist European leaders. His popularity is mind-boggling, to say the least. I have no clue what his plans are for running the country - he hasn't really articulated that yet. He's too busy shooting off his mouth about his opponents, Mexicans, Muslims, and anyone else he doesn't like.

Then we have other contenders for the highest office in the land. Two of them I'm pretty much ignoring, but maybe I shouldn't. Neither of them seem to be saying much. The other two have my attention. I'm ready for a woman president, but does it have to be the one campaigning now? I just don't trust her. To be fair, she proved her mettle while a senator from New York (in what way, I don't know - don't live in New York). She wasn't a delicate flower as Secretary of State, either. Until the Bengazi and e-mail server issues came forward. Now, I'm not so sure. The senator from Vermont seems to make a lot of pretty promises and paints a future filled with hope. His campaign ads are, for the most part, positive. Basically, I have a choice between an untrustworthy former Secretary of State and a senator who identifies himself as a Democratic Socialist. History has proven that Socialism looks great on paper but doesn't work well in real life. What kind of future will I get when I vote in November?

Many Americans are angry with the current state of the country. There are no jobs and despite what the White House says, the economy is not doing very well. Not for the rest of us. My past posts have talked about my personal situation and the new suburban poor. We need a leader who can pull people together and work toward a viable solution. We need corporations who are willing to invest in their communities. We need an educational system that will make us not only more competitive in the global marketplace, but useful here at home. We need a healthcare system that supports and treats our human condition. We need law enforcement that is trustworthy and accountable. We need to re-learn respect and the Golden Rule.

But, most of all, we need community. We have the capacity to create great things out of almost nothing. If we aren't a great country (and I'm not so sure we are), we have the capacity to become great again.

Remember our beginnings - thirteen British colonies who pulled together and told a global empire to stick it where the sun don't shine.

Affordable Care Act

When President Obama promised and signed into law the Affordable Care Act, I was actually relieved. I thought, oh wow, now I can see a doctor and remain healthy. This law had a lot of promises. This program was supposed to bring a brighter future to those who could not afford health care insurance or had no access to it.

So what went wrong?

Let's see. The "affordable" part is based on the wage earner's gross income, not net (net is after taxes and deductions have been taken out). Other expenses the wage earner is responsible for is not figured into the "affordable" insurance. So, if the wage earner is paying $600/month in mortgage or rent, has roughly $250/month in utility bills (gas, electric, water, sewer, trash), and is incurring other expenses such as car maintenance or bus/train fare, these are not figured into the actual living wage the wage earner is making. Therefore, the required-by-law health care insurance is another crippling expense that is forced on the wage earner unless he/she wants to receive a tax penalty of astronomical proportions.

My insurance premiums have shot up from $0 to $75/month in just two years. All I have had in that amount of time is a sluggish thyroid and a case of bronchitis.

I'm having trouble seeing where this is "affordable."

Here in Missouri, we are required by law to purchase automobile insurance (liability is the minimum insurance the state will accept). Mortgage lenders require homeowners to purchase homeowner's insurance if they want a loan. Now, the general public is required to purchase health care insurance. Do you see a pattern here? Insurance companies are raking in millions. That's what I think.

Yes, I get the reasoning behind some of this. Car owners who actually had car insurance were getting into accidents with other car owners who did not have insurance and the offended insurance company was getting stuck with the bill. Car insurance companies were hollering, "Not fair!" I'm not sure why mortgage lenders began requiring insurance. Maybe they were getting tired of being stuck with burned out buildings that they couldn't sell?

The Affordable Care Act was supposed to open up access to health care for those who couldn't get it otherwise. Even with the monthly premium at under $100, I still have to pay a co-pay. While the physician co-pay is a reasonable amount, if I need to see a specialist, it shoots up to $45. Some of these providers charge that much for an office visit even without insurance. So, what am I paying for?

Even if the primary medical care is reasonably affordable, there is still the "extra" medical stuff that doesn't come free. Dental plans are expensive and don't cover anything more than the semi-annual cleanings and x-rays. Fillings are extra. Hope you don't need a tooth pulled, because no one covers that. Eye exams - forget about it. Now, to be fair, Missouri will cover these items for children under 18. You are on your own after that.

So, how are we supposed to get healthy if we can't pay for it? The Affordable Care Act hasn't eased anything for the poor - only made things worse.

Food Pantries and Creative Cooking

In my previous post, I gave you, my readers, a snapshot of my very personal life. Please bear in mind, this is private and personal. I am putting myself out here in the blogosphere in the hopes that someone reading this will know that he/she is not alone. Poverty is, oddly, very isolating, yet there are so many of us. Maybe if we talk amongst ourselves and share ideas, we might be able to come up with a solution or become empowered enough to get the attention of our local government officials. My goal, then, is to create awareness of what it is to be part of this strange thing - The Suburban Poor. With this awareness, maybe we can reach out to one another and create a support system that will find solutions - not just for ourselves, but for others.

Our budget is so tight that it almost doesn't even exist. Not terribly long ago, my weekly grocery bill was over $100. I shopped at Shop N Save because I trusted the merchandise, produce, and felt the prices were fair enough. Schnucks is fine for some things, but I had to watch the sales. At that time, I wasn't especially sold on Aldi. I had tried them a long time ago and wasn't impressed. Little did I know how much all that would change.

I was never comfortable going to food pantries. I always, and still do, felt that the pantries were for people who really needed the help. I didn't want to take anything away from someone who was worse off than me. Well, we are now receiving services from our local food pantry. I have since learned that a patron can visit as many food pantries as she wishes. I was going to the Jewish food pantry and now I'm going to the one run by Ritenour. The Jewish food pantry is fantastic, really. I just felt that I was receiving enough from Ritenour and didn't want to deplete their supplies unnecessarily. As I wait for my turn, I'm astounded at how many people are receiving help from these pantries. It boggles my mind. Is this an accurate picture of the state of our country and our economy? Every volunteer I have met has been more than gracious (although, some have been rather annoying, but we won't get into that here).

Shopping the food pantry is a challenge all by itself. Meal planning on on the spot and at the mercy of whatever is available. Jack is diabetic and, yet, we seem to always receive a big bag filled with sweet rolls and potato chips. The patrons are allowed to shop through the pantry goods and each section has a sign of what your allotment is. Volunteers are nearby to help with questions or make suggestions. Okay, here's where an occasional volunteer can get rather annoying. Produce is often times moldy, half rotten or infested with fruit flies. One volunteer tried to convince me that the gray/green limp thing in her hand was yummy broccoli and I should take it. I'm sorry, lady, if it is so yummy, why don't you eat it! Yuck!

I wish there was a way to work out between the grocery stores and food pantries to create a voucher-type system that would allow food pantry recipients to get actual fresh produce. The grocery stores have to write off their produce losses anyway, so wouldn't this reduce that in some way? Please, someone who is an accounting expert please explore this idea. Not food stamps, per se, but a voucher that allows a pantry recipient to select X pounds of fresh produce each month.

As I mentioned, getting food at the pantry is a challenge in the form of meal planning and cooking. Yes, I love taco casserole, but if ground beef isn't available, I guess I won't be eating taco casserole. Same with taco chips, or salsa, or sour cream, or fresh lettuce. See where I'm going with this? One of our trips to the pantry netted us a can of almond pie filling. Now, what in the heck am I supposed to do with this? It's items like this where I rely heavily on my computer to look up recipes that call for this ingredient. Might be a good thing and an introduction to a new dish. If I have all the remaining ingredients.

Guess I'll be visiting the grocery store. The big stores are out of the question now. Just can't do them anymore. Example: fresh eggs last month were $3.00/dozen (Yes, that's $3.00) at Shop N Save, Schnucks and even Walmart. Aldi and Ruler Foods eggs are less than $1.50/dozen. I'm an Aldi convert now. Aldi must have changed their products, because their stuff is really good. Except for their pizza. Their pizza is nasty. Produce selection isn't as all encompassing as I'm used to with Schnucks and Dierbergs, but the prices are reasonable and the quality is good. The highest I have had to pay at either Aldi or Ruler Foods has been $45. Thanks to the food pantry and exploring these two outlets, my grocery bill went down by $50 to $80 per week. I'm thrilled!

Meals are more creative now. I have about three pounds of white rice I have to figure out what to do with. I still haven't figured out what to do with that can of almond pie filling. But those small stale French bread loaves make great French toast in the morning.

St. Louis' Suburban Poor

Many, many people have commented on today's economy. The President, in his State of the Union Address, seemed to feel that the economy has made a turn-around. Well, respectfully stated, I don't agree.

The next few blog posts will be addressing my own experiences with being in what is called "The Working Poor" or as I call it, "The Suburban Poor." These posts will not be a rant, but a presentation of a situation and, hopefully, a few ideas to make things better.

In 2002, I was laid off from a job that paid me the highest salary I ever earned. Had I not been laid off, I probably would have been able to take my young family on our first, ever family vacation. While that job would not have put us in a fancier neighborhood, our bills were finally getting caught up and we were getting out of debt. Things looked rosie for a change.

I took the layoff well; I detested my job and saw the layoff as an opportunity to further my education and get that bachelor's degree I had been talking about for so long. I was foolishly confident that I would land another job in no time - I had the skills and experience that were in demand.

God decided otherwise.

Since 2002, I completed my BA in advertising/marketing communications. Looking for work in my chosen field was consistently met with, "Sorry, but we are looking for someone more qualified." Translation: I'm too old. My husband's disability needed more of my attention as did my young children. I volunteered at their schools and scout meetings.My elderly mother was showing signs of dementia, but I didn't pick up on those signals. When she fell down the basement stairs and broke her neck, I realized I needed to take charge of her care. Her dementia became worse as well as her health and she passed away three years ago. At no time during all these years, had I ever been able to pursue a full-time job. I am still the primary care-giver for my husband.

I have been working retail for the last five years and making less than I did 20 years ago. Needless to say, bill paying is almost impossible. We have applied for help through the state only to be told that I am making too much money. Jack's disability only covers the house payment and a utility bill or two. My meager paycheck doesn't cut it and we often alternate what bills get paid each month. Eventually, this arrangement catches up with us and then we have to apply for help somewhere else. However, help isn't always available. Did I mention we are back in debt?

Now we are facing collection calls, utility shut offs, and possible foreclosure on our home. The nursing home that cared for my mother is suing me for unpaid bills. While I don't carry credit card debt (I learned that lesson already), I took out loans on the house. Things here are very bleak. My husband's mother was helping us as best as she could, but now his siblings are threatening us with a lawsuit if we don't pay her back. She is also very elderly.

Over the course of history, the poor have always been punished or shunned to "their place." It seems that it's easy to pick on the vulnerable of our society. Jesus cautioned us, or rather - admonished us, "Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."(Matthew 25:40 - King James version) Why is this message so lost on our society and governance?

Next blog - Food Pantries and Creative Cooking.

Retail Life

The holiday crunch is winding down, however, employees are struggling to decompress from two straight months of intense work schedules to meet the ever increasing demands of consumers.

The shoppers that come into Macy's never cease to amaze me. Some are well-mannered, so of course, we don't remember them. Those wonderful shoppers ask for service politely, say thank you and wish us a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year or a nice day/evening. If children accompany these lovely people, they are well-behaved or just plain cute.

The rest of the shopping population could learn a thing or two from these kind folks. Throwing merchandise at me while talking on the cell phone will not garner you outstanding service from my side of the counter. Nor will screaming at me because store policy won't let you price merchandise to your liking. Yelling at me because the whole store is out of gift boxes won't make aforementioned gift boxes appear out of thin air.

This holiday season has been no exception as for the craziness out there. One customer got mad because she had to pay state and local sales tax on her purchases. Another customer wanted me to look up postal zip codes for her to send a gift out of state. One "charming" young lady informed the long line of customers behind her that they will have to wait while she marched me over to see merchandise that she insisted was marked down but was not.

Let's be clear. Retail workers are human. We have good days and bad. Yes, some have an attitude - I've run into that. We have the perspective of both sides of the counter. We probably have a better idea of how retailers work than a lot of consumers. We don't resent the empowered and knowledgeable consumer. We just don't like being played or bullied. We don't make store policy nor do our immediate supervisors/managers.

Macy's is a large department store which is tied to legally binding retail agreements with hundreds of manufacturers. Macy's doesn't set the prices on all merchandise. Notice the word - all. If we want to sell Levi's jeans in our stores, we have to enter into a legal agreement with Levi Strauss to allow us to do just that. Levi Strauss has every right and reason to dictate what price will be placed on their jeans and if/when they go on sale. They can tell Macy's to not use our own coupons on their merchandise. This is all completely legal. However, many consumers fail to understand this.

What amazes me and  many of my co-workers is how much the customers rage over the high price of certain items (for example, children's clothing). Yes, I agree, a $35 Ralph Lauren Polo shirt for a toddler boy is outrageous. However, my question is this - why are you shopping here if you can't afford it? No one is making you buy that $35 toddler Polo shirt, so don't. All of the Ralph Lauren line - men, women, children - is expensive. Ridiculously expensive. However, Mr. Lauren can ask those prices because he knows there are customers who are happy to pay those prices. There is no shame in his camp because there is no shame among his consumers. People are willing to pay extravagantly for his brand and the image that goes with it. This is called Economics 101 and Marketing 101. For the rest of us, there's Walmart, Target and KMart. If those stores are too much, there's always the thrift stores.

Now that the holidays are over for the time being, we have to clean up the mess left behind from frenzied shoppers. This year, especially, the store is completely trashed. It's frustrating enough that at any time during the year, we will go to great lengths to make the store merchandise look pretty for our customers. We sort merchandise by brand, style, color and size - all for the convenience of our customers. We strive to make a pleasant shopping experience only to be "thanked" for our efforts by the tables, racks, and shelves being completely torn apart by people sifting through the merchandise. Fitting rooms become a disaster area with discarded garments strewn on the floor, turned inside out, and (here's the disgusting part) soiled with human waste. People are gross. No, we do not have a crew of people who come in during the night to straighten up the store.

 I wish there was a way we could educate the public on how to conduct themselves in a retail environment. Maybe I can outline a few tips for shoppers:

• Empowerment, as mentioned before, does not equate bullying. Demanding that I give you 50% off a garment that is excluded from coupons will not endear you to my good graces. However, if you ask nicely, I might be able to accommodate you. It just depends on the item. Remember, legally binding agreements between Macy's and the vendor are out of my control. I am empowered to override coupons, but too much of a good thing could get me fired. If you are on the conservative rolls complaining about the "freeloading poor" in our society, costing me my job could land me where you don't want me. Please think about that before yelling at me.

• Pretending that we are the best of friends won't get you a higher discount. It boggles my mind when some people come in and act like I will do them an extra favor. No, I will not. Furthermore, I never saw you before in my life. We are not friends. My real friends would never expect me to jeopardize my job to save them an extra dollar. So, pay for your selection and get lost.

• Tag switching is always something that just slays me. You really think I'm so dumb that I won't notice you switched out a Ralph Lauren tag for a store brand tag and placed it on a pair of Lauren jeans? In addition, I will notice when a designer swimsuit suddenly comes up for $4.00 in August. Or any other time of the year. Designer swimsuits never sell for $4.00.

• Please don't come to me with a garment that's missing a tag and expect me to magically know how much it is. That two-second question will launch as much as a 20 minute search and often times I have to find something similar because that item is no longer in the inventory system. After all that, the best I can do is a guess on pricing - might be an amount you don't like. Well, too bad. That's how it is.

• A favorite scheme that some young people like to pull - getting too friendly and physical with me. Not sexual, just friendly. This ploy is to distract me while the friends behind me steal something. Seriously? I never saw you before in my life. I don't know who you are nor do I care. DO NOT take my arm and guide me to where you want me to see whatever it is you want me to see. I know your buddies are shoplifting and the first chance I get, I will call security and see to it that your happy little behinds get caught.

• Parents - please watch over your own children. Too many times, I have seen small children run wild throughout the store and I cringe over what may happen. Collision with mannequins, customers, or racks of merchandise lead to possible serious injury. When I tell the kids to stop running, I'm not being a jerk. I'm possibly saving your child's life, something you seem to value less than I. Further, in an age where child abductions are frequent and publicized, you should be worried about who else is in the store. Predators disguise themselves to look like everyone else. That's how they do what they do. Store employees are not baby sitters. Our security team is watching for theft of merchandise, not kidnappers. If your child cannot handle the shopping experience, go home. Go straight home. Don't pass Go and don't collect $200. Get a baby sitter or come back another time.

• If English is not your first language, please bring an interpreter. I don't speak Spanish, French, Vietnamese, Mandarin, Japanese, Swahili, Russian, Arabic, or Klingon. Shopping by yourself when  you don't know the language is asking for trouble in the form of honest and dishonest misunderstandings. In addition, it's just plain annoying to explain 15 times that you won't get 20% off an item that is excluded from that discount. Oh, yeah, and pretending you don't understand English will not help you in any way. I can spot it and won't budge an inch. I'm German like that.

• Unless you know exactly what you are looking for and where it is, coming into the store to shop five minutes before the store closing is never a good idea. Employees are tired and want to go home. We have only a short period of time to close registers and clear out fitting rooms. The lights are turned out because we want you to leave. If the item you are looking for is that important, you should have made time earlier in the day/evening to look for it in the store. We do not give extra discounts when the store is closed for the evening. So, don't even try it. Continued shopping in the dark will only get you personalized escort service from our security personnel.

The holiday season is past and the shopping cycle begins anew with clearance, Easter, spring and summer, wedding, and back to school sales looming on the horizon. I will draw this to a close by repeating what is said every night at store closing: "We hope you have had an outstanding shopping experience today. Thank you for shopping at Macy's and we look forward to seeing you again soon."